No. 28: I’m Not Ok, K?

Hey everybody! Sorry there hasn’t been many posts here on Short & Sweet. You know how it goes with life being busy. Tests to be taken, projects to accomplish, and situations to be digested.

In general, I think people would describe me as a happy person, joyous even. I’m really never not laughing. If I’m not my cheery chipper self, people start rolling in with the questions. “Are you ok?” “What’s wrong?” Normally, I just have a bad case of stank face if I’m not talking to anyone, but I really am fine 😂 Lately though, people ask how I’m doing and I just decided I was tired of the little fibs and saying “I’m good, how are you?”. I’ve demoted my “good” to “ok” or “alright”.
For me, I wanted Short & Sweet to be uplifting, somewhere people could come to be encouraged. But I wouldn’t be the honest person/blogger extraordinaire (😉) if I told you I was just happy all the time. Let me tell you something…I’m not. I’m not happy all the time. I’m not even ok all the time. And I’ve learned that sometimes being not ok…is ok.

Recently, I’ve been going through some mental battles and internal struggles (hence the lack of blog posts). I made a conscious decision that I was not feeling up to par. Each day passed, one more set of 24 hours would turn loose from my grasp and I still wasn’t feeling better. Actually, I was feeling a ton worse. Things may have been not so super terrible around me, but within me, I was getting eaten away.

Being happy all the time almost became like a habit. “How are you?” “Oh I’m good! You?” became a natural reaction. Even if I had a terrible day, “I’m good!” was always my answer. I don’t say things just to say them. I mean what I say. Well I thought so…

I had someone very near and dear to me (hey, Gage 😉) trying to talk me out of the rut I was in because he just didn’t want to see me hurting. Truth is, you have to walk through darkness to remember what light looks like. So when anyone would tell me to just be happy, what I really wanted them to know is that I was in the middle of not being ok. Happiness is a choice, a decision. Don’t let yourself be lost in the dark. Keep walking to the light. You’ll get there.

In Philippians 4:4 (my favorite verse ever), it says to rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. Rejoicing is great, but sometimes…we just don’t feel like it. But it’s ok. He knows your every intricate feeling. I got to a point where I didn’t even know what words to pray, so I ended up just saying “You know.” Find people who will pray you out of the dark. It’s a scary place to be. Especially when you feel alone or lonely. Don’t separate yourself from people when you’re feeling by yourself. You’re not on your own.

So, compadre, it’s ok to not feel ok. Your battle is significant and purposeful. You’re not the first to go through it or the last. Someday in the future, maybe you’ll find someone who needs someone to pray them out of the darkness. Maybe that someone will be you. You’re coming out victorious, full of light, high on courage.

It’s ok not to be ok. Just don’t stay there too long, alright? 😉

“Rejoice in the Lord always! Again I say: REJOICE!”

Philippians 4:4

Song: “Wasteland” by Needtobreathe from the album Rivers In The Wasteland (2014)

4 Replies to “No. 28: I’m Not Ok, K?”

  1. I just sent you something in an email just before I saw this on FB. This is fantastic! Read what I sent and you will see why. God does work in and on our hearts. Pic is wonderful too!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s