Hey! It’s been a while since I’ve actually sat down and wrote something. Life gets in the way sometimes, ya know?
Anyway, I’m back and I’m excited to write some more this summer 🙂 I’ll be writing a lot more and posting on the Short and Sweet socials: @itschayliblogs on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook 😉
Over this summer, I’ll be writing various q+a’s on different topics. Today’s topic is young love and high school relationships
Q: How do you handle unreciprocated love?
A: There a couple of way this could go. There are always 2 in a relationship, whether it’s a friendship or more. If you are the one who doesn’t want the relationship, it’s ok. You have rights to your feelings and if it’s someone who make you uncomfortable or you just don’t have time for a relationship, it IS ok to say no. Just be respectful of the other person’s feelings and be kind when telling them your decision.
If you’re the one who does want the relationship but the other person doesn’t, it’s tough. No one wants to hear no. Try looking at the whole picture, all the realistic pros and cons, and try to understand their perspective. All you can do is be respectful of their wishes. God has yours and their best interest at heart from the very beginning.
Q: How do you juggle God, life, and a boyfriend without de-prioritizing one of those things?
A: It’s really hard to find an even balance between all of those things. Being in school makes those things wayyy harder. Situations come up, school and work get crazy, maintaining good grades, reading the Word, practicing extra curricular stuff, taking time for yourself, hanging with family, etc. An important thing to know while being in a relationship is that while it is important and that person is special to you, those other things are important too. Don’t forget about your other relationships, your other responsibilities. The way to not de-prioritize those things is to make sure to give time to each thing that is important to you and give them equal amounts of love.
Q: What do you do when you and your boyfriend fight?
A: Every couple fights differently and handles fights differently too. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 5 years and been together for almost 2. We butt heads sometimes because we’re so different and we handle things totally different. I saw this quote one time that said “If it’s not gonna matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes upset about it.”
Here are some things I’ve learned about fighting or even just arguing or disagreeing:
1. Don’t feel bad for fighting. It happens.
2. You’re entitled to your feelings, but don’t let your feelings take over common sense and the way you treat your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you’re getting mad at him for something that won’t matter in the next hour or day or week, drop it and keep going. It’s not worth being upset over.
3. Don’t go to bed without talking it through. When Gage (my boyfriend) and I fight, he wants to talk everything out right in the moment, but I have to step away and collect myself and think about what I’m going to say before I continue. Figure out HOW you fight.
4. Humble yourself. Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t make you weak, it makes you mature.
Q: What would you say is the most important factor to keeping a relationship going?
A: Jesus. Jesus is the only way that any relationships flow and move the way they do. Praying for each other, reading the Word, relying on God to move mountains. Without Jesus in the middle, there’s nothing substantial.
Q: Do you feel like partners idealize having a relationship more than actually building a genuine connection and truly seeing the other person for who they are?
A: YES. The saying “love is blind” is a real thing. Especially in the first couple months when there’s no possible way your new boo could have ANY flaws. The longer it goes on and the more vulnerable and honest and real you are with your boyfriend/girlfriend, the more you start to see them for who they are. I think it all depends on your perspective going into it and when you’re in it. When people don’t consider what comes with a relationship, they can sometimes be more in love with the idea of the person than the actual person themselves.
Q: How do you personally deal with conflict?
A: Naturally, anyone who ever interacts with another human being for a certain amount of time is gonna butt heads. Especially people who respond to things differently. When conflict happens, be calm, try to understand the other person’s perspective, and speak up for yourself. You can’t learn if you don’t hear feedback.
Q: How do you feel closer when you don’t see each other super often?
A: Having a relationship in high school can be hard. There are 2 schedules from 2 families that you have to work with. 2 sets of homework, 2 sets of family obligations, 2 sets of extra curricular practices, etc. It’s all about the balance I talked about above. Make sure you’re getting all of the rest of your things done and done well, but make time for each other. Even if it’s a text in the middle of the day to say “hey, I’m thinking of you” or send a meme (lol cause duh, that makes my day better) or whatever. Watch Netflix, call each other after school, write each other letters, whatever floats your boat.
Q: What is the difference between loving and being in love; how do you know they actually love you?
A: This is a hard one because everyone shows love in a different way, but I think that if someone loves you, they will make an effort. Maybe the guy you like isn’t good with words and doesn’t know how to say he loves you, but if he does, he’ll show it. He’ll make it a priority to talk to you and show you he cares. Chances are, you’ll have all the warm and fuzzy feelings and it’ll be all heart eyes, but if he loves you, he’ll prove it (i.e., making an effort to see you, talk to you, learning about you, learning about things you love)
Q: Should you let age define how you pursue a relationship?
A: I’m a firm believer in young love. If you’re 13 and you love someone, that’s just how it is. I don’t underestimate it when someone says they love someone else because my first love was at 15. I think there are certain things you can do in a relationship at certain ages, like going to the mall alone or going on chaperoned dates and things like that. But as far as when to date and all that, it’s all up to who’s involved and what personal boundaries you’ve set.
Q: Should you date the same guy your best friend likes?
A: Talk to your best friend about it! Talk about the guy you both like and the pros and cons of either of you dating him. Consider her feelings if you’re thinking of pursuing him. If it’s going to hurt your relationship or each other, don’t go for it
Q: How do I say no to my boyfriend/girlfriend if I don’t want to do something? I don’t want to upset them?
A: Set up (physical) boundaries at the beginning of your relationship and stick with them. It’s hard to stick with it sometimes because we are humans and we fall sometimes. Then again, boundaries are important. If your boyfriend/girlfriend wants to go further than your boundaries and you don’t, it IS ok to tell them no. If they’re down to be with you, they will respect your answer.
Q: How aware are you of the temptations while being in a relationship and what are your boundaries to keep you from stumbling?
A: I am very aware of the temptations of slipping up. It’s hard whether you’re a guy, you’re a girl, a Christian, an atheist, 80 years old or 18. We’re not immune to it. Then you put 2 people together and it doesn’t make it easier. My boyfriend and I have set boundaries for our relationship and we’ve both decided to save ourselves for marriage, whether that’s to each other or other people. Praying over each other, listening for what God has to say, keeping each other accountable and telling someone trusted about things all help keep you on track.
Q: My girlfriend has an ex and it makes me feel really insecure sometimes. Advice for how to handle it?
A: If your girlfriend didn’t want to be with you, she wouldn’t be. Exes sometimes are just apart of someone’s past. Don’t focus so much on their past relationship, what the other person did or looked like and all that. You are you for a reason. Be confident about who you are and who you are to that person 🙂
I hope you’ve enjoyed this little Q&A 🙂 If you have ideas for another Q&A or you have more questions about this one, here are some ways to contact me:
Instagram, Twitter, Facebook: @itschayliblogs
or comment below! 🙂