No. 61: breakup q + a

Let’s be honest: breaking up…sucks. It’s not fun for anyone on both ends of it. It’s awkward, it’s weird, friendships sometimes change and everyone learns something. Let’s talk about it:

Q: If your breakup is super bad, how can you stay friendly in public/at unavoidable events? & How do you get over an ex when you constantly see them around?

A: If it ended weird, find some solid friends or mentors to hang around when you’re in public events. If you don’t have any of those, make new friends! Maybe this is a good opportunity to find other people to be around πŸ™‚ If he/she is totally unavoidable, be kind, be respectful and but don’t overkill on the niceness. Just be civil for a while.

Q: What is the best way of going about talking to them right after and build the friendship?

A: Give each other a little space to process. Even though it’s nothing severe like death, it’s still a loss. Things changed and are different. It helps to take time for yourself. Once you are feeling more comfortable about it, talk to him/her and be respectful if they’re not ready to be friends yet. If they are, be sensitive of the subject, but take things slow and hopefully it comes back around πŸ™‚

Q: How do you help your friend through a breakup when you haven’t gone through one?

A: Whether you can be there for them physically or through text or call, talk it through with them at their pace. Be sensitive, let them talk it out, and be that source of positivity. Be careful giving your opinion of their now-ex or the situation. Try to be as level headed as you can be.

Q: How do you deal with losing your best friend (who’s also your girlfriend/boyfriend)?

A: Ugh. This is one of the worst parts. Losing someone close is always super tough because they feel irreplaceable. But when this happens, first off, let yourself grieve it. Then, gather yourself, and surround yourself with people you love and are good influences on you. It’s gonna be easy to get into a flow of being around people who aren’t good influences because you wanna drown that feeling. Don’t drown it. Use the pain and make it a lesson.

Q: What’s the best way to get over someone who you have dated for a long time?

A: Make time for yourself! What’s happened has happened and losing a long “dating streak” sucks, but now it’s time for you! Take time to find more about yourself. Find a hobby, a club, volunteer, make art, try new kinds of music, go to museums, try a new sport. Do something.

Q: What could one look or hold onto as a source of comfort during heartbreak?

A: “In the same way, the Sprit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Sprit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Romans 8:26

If you’re hurting, God already knows and He’s taking care of your heart ❀️

Q: Is there a right or a wrong way to breakup?

A: I think this takes the people skills you’ve learned and throwing them into action.

1. DON’T do it over text/call/FaceTime. For the love of everything good and holy, don’t break someone’s heart by giving them words to read over and over. I know it avoids conflict, but it makes it worse.

2. Look them in the eyes. It’s a good people skill to have. Learn to look people in the eyes when you talk to them, especially when you tell someone something serious.

3. Find the right wording. Try not to stumble over your words. Practice in the mirror.

4. Make sure it’s absolutely what you want to do.

Q: Why do breakups hurt so much?

A: I think it hurts because we invest ourselves and our feelings into a relationship and when it fails, it feels like we’re doing something wrong. Whatever happens in your relationship, remember who you are and Who’s you are. A breakup doesn’t make you less significant, less important, less pretty, less anything. I know it hurts, but from someone who’s had their heart broken, I promise it gets mended soon enough.

Q: How do I find the good in the person who broke my heart?

A: After you grieve and you move on, one way to find the good in them is to realize and appreciate the things they taught you. I wrote about this some (No. 43: A Thank You Letter to His Ex) where I thank my boyfriend’s ex for teaching him things that helped shape him into who he is today. Your last relationship always teaches you something to take and change or refine for your next relationship.

Q: How long does it take to get over a breakup?

A: It’s different for everyone, depending on what the relationship was like, how long it lasted, how it ended, if you loved them or didn’t

Q: If they say they love you, why leave?

A: Sometimes people fall out of love. It sounds harsh, but sometimes it just happens. You don’t feel the same for someone as you used to or you don’t love them like you told them you did.

Q: How can they say they didn’t love you, but they put so much into the relationship?

A: People will show you they love you by the way they treat you. Sometimes words don’t match up to actions…

Q: I am heart broken, betrayed, and can’t move on. And yet, I still want him. What do I do?

A: Think carefully. Think of how he treated you in the relationship, how he’s making you feel now, how you think the relationship would be different if you got back together. Is it best for your well being or do you want it cause you’re scared of change? Make a list of pros and cons, red flags, all the factors.

Q: Not really a question but…I HATE MY EX!!

A: This sounds corny, but I’m serious πŸ˜‚: pray for him/her. It’s ok for you to be mad or not like them, but pray for the next person they date, that they don’t get stuck in a bad relationship too. Pray for yourself that you’ll be able to have more peace when you think about them and won’t have the urge to punch them in the throat πŸ˜‚

Q: Is it ok to just lay around and be sad sometimes?

A: Ummmm YES. Sometimes the best cries are after a breakup. Throw on some PJ’s, get your favorite junk food, watch the sappiest movies and just CRY. It’s therapeutic, I swear. (Romantic movies to watch while you cry are below)

Well that’s it! Thank you to everyone who submitted questions! Have a good cry, have a good laugh, and get up and start new 😊

Movies (and Shows) to Watch After a B R E A K U P:

Legally Blonde

Mamma Mia

Moana

The Princess Bride

Bridesmaids

Pitch Perfect (1, 2 & 3)

Joy

Lilo & Stitch

Gilmore Girls

The Office

The Breakfast Club

Forrest Gump

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

My Best Friend’s Wedding

Just Go With It

10 Things I Hate About You

Mirror, Mirror

Back to the Future

Grey’s Anatomy

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

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