successes and separation

this has been the most eventful 2 years, let me tell ya. i don’t talk about much relationship stuff anymore. i guess sometimes i think maybe people don’t take 18-year-old advice or relationship problems seriously? if that’s true, then…you may not love this post lol.

this year is the year that starts all the big moves. i graduate in 73 days. (who’s counting? are you counting?). i spend 80% of my day doing overly boring lessons in order to get the highly awaited diploma i’ve been waiting all my life for. i make art, play sims when i can, and do dishes. sounds, how you say, exciting? but in 73 days, ya girl won’t be held down by academic ties another day!! until college!!

can. you. believe. it? college is right around the corner and i’m very excited, besides the fact that i actually have to do more math in order to get a degree (trash).

senior year has come and gone but has also been SO slow. not nice. but now i’m coming up to the end, i have senior pictures to be taken, final lessons to be submitted, shirts to be ordered, all of the lovely little details that have completely gone over my head.

along with me dealing with school stuff, the boyfriend is too. however, his college endeavors tend to be a little more prestigious than my community college plans: the naval academy. what an over achiever 🙄 (i kid). i don’t think i’ve ever been more proud of someone. he’s out at maryland a couple times this year. one being during my graduation.

i’ve dealt with a lot of disappointment already this year. i’ve dealt with a lot of separation. i’m ridiculously proud of gage michael. i have the biggest privilege of getting to be his best friend. but, if he does get accepted into annapolis, that means i’ll be living approximately 1,198 miles away from someone who is the living embodiment of home. 

i’m scared. of course it’s selfish, i don’t deny it. i’m scared of long distance. i’m scared of going through college without my best friend close. i’m scared of keeping up a relationship from that far away.

even though i don’t go to church as much, my conversations with God haven’t ceased. i know that i haven’t been forgotten and neither have my fears. anxiety has taken up a lot of my time, but i know the only One who gives me full liberty. 

so yeah, i’m pretty scared about everything, but i’m proud. it’s like having bittersweet feelings on steroids. if anybody hasn’t ever told you, find someone or a group of someones that push you to do huge things and make yourself better the further you go. i can’t imagine not having someone as driven as gage michael. i have a love/hate relationship with annapolis. even though it’s taking my gage michael away from all of the selfish reasons i’d want him here, it’s pushed him to be an even more remarkable person than i already knew he was. 

God hears my thankful conversations. He has shown me the freedom in living on purpose and loving people on purpose. i don’t take advantage that i’m being loaned a dream of a guy and he’s more than i’ve ever asked for. God SHOWS UP.

so there’s my little spiel. here’s to an adventurous year, friends!! 🙂

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